Transforming the Marriage Talk

By Kelly, Special Projects Coordinator

I’m in a loving long-term relationship, and yes, I get the “when are you two getting married?” question. This question triggers painful memories of my childhood – growing up with parents who were in a really unhealthy marriage. My hesitation around marriage primarily comes from seeing how my mom was legally and socially bound to my dad despite how destructive, belittling, and violent he was. It wasn’t until recently that despite begging my mom to leave my dad, I realized that her marriage meant a sense of social belonging and normalcy, security, and hope that with time, she’ll get out of her working-class, without healthcare, without papers status. Contrary to our culture’s romanticization of marriage, my parent’s marriage has little to do with love but with marriage’s legal and social implications and impacts. They're a testament to how much marriage has to do with defining a status of inclusion, citizenship, and access.

In my previous blog post, I used Priscilla Yamin’s critique on the institution of marriage to breakdown the future talk – one that perpetuates marriage traditions and the nuclear family structure which simultaneously socially and legally excludes other relationships and families. Yamin’s question of whether or not marriage is the right place to determine rights provides a revolutionary opportunity to look outside of marriage and the traditional two-parent with biological children family structure.

Strong Families is a radical intervention that shifts the way we talk the talk. The Strong Families talks and actions are about promoting policies and shifting the way we think and feel about our families – all types of families, including single-parent, queer, immigrant, undocumented, young parent. These talks also transform and mobilize the way we think about marriage as a social obligation and a normalizing institution. Marriage isn’t only a beautiful, magical, romantic place where a couple’s relationship becomes socially and legally official – it’s also a shady contract that straddles the ideas of real love with property ownership and defining citizenship. So what does the talk look like between my mom and me now? It starts and ends with my mom telling me that maybe marriage isn’t the right place for anything.


As a conclusion to this two-part blog post, here’s a short Q&A with Priscilla Yamin, the author of American Marriage:

1. In American Marriage, you talk about how marginalized communities have used marriage to normalize themselves in the eyes of the state. How do you think that marginalized communities have used other institutions to gain access to a sense of national identity?

PY: There are ways that marriage functions like other institutions such as public education in “normalizing” marginalized communities. Other practices of normalization focus on economic independence, such as homeownership. The demand for access to education, homeownership and marriage are ways that members of marginalized groups signal a desire for acceptance and inclusion. These institutional practices organize membership, rights and obligations in civil society but also socialize people into accepting certain social, economic and political norms and patterns of beliefs and behavior. At the same time, marriage differs from other institutions. Enormous political work can be enacted through marriage because most people think of it as prior to, or more fundamental than political identities and interests. Marriage is charged with symbolic power that defines both individual life and national ideals.

2. American Marriage successfully traces how the state uses marriage in key political moments recreate hierarchies and redefine citizenship. One of the most current political issues is on what the religious rights are calling the War on Religious Liberty. How do you think this so-called war is possibly promoting traditional marriage?

PY: The War on Religious Liberty as I understand it is a call to limit government mandates around issues such as health insurance and family planning (such as abortion and contraception). One of the unstated roles of marriage for conservatives is to shift economic dependence from society to individual households. In other words to privatize these issues. However the fact is that not all individuals and families can afford healthcare or contraception without public assistance. The default is policy is marriage and so in this way the so-called war does promote traditional marriage as a social, economic and political policy.

3. As you know, Condoleezza Rice is the first black female secretary of the state under the Bush Administration. She was never married and has no children, yet there isn't too much speculation on her private life. If at all, do you think there are folks who are socially exempt from marriage?

PY: Excellent question. I would say yes because it wouldn’t be political if there were no exceptions. If you pull out someone like Rice it highlights that those with power and money are not pressured to marry as are other single African American women who are poor. In other words, marriage is about power relations. Some are encouraged to marry because they have no power and others are prevented from marriage because they have no power. The politics of marriage is not only about exclusions and inclusions but also is about creating political settlements that temporarily stabilize political questions of difference and inequality. One puzzle, among others, that I explore in the book is how some gays and lesbians are prohibited from marrying in some states while at the same time marriage promotion policies in welfare reform strongly encourages poor single mothers to marry. Meanwhile, white heterosexuals of means can marry or not.

4. Strong Families is a national initiative to change policies and shift culture around supporting all types of families - queer, immigrant, single-parent, undocumented. I know I touched upon it during my blog, but how do you see your analysis of marriage aligning with, challenging, supporting the Strong Families framework?

PY: I think there a lot of ways that understanding marriage as a political institution supports the Strong Families framework. Marriage is family policy. It is considered by individual states to be the “beginning” or the “foundation” of a family. My book shows that this is not a neutral process but a politically constructed one. The implications of this for how we think about family, what a family is, how it is determined, what rights do families get or are owed are wide ranging. If we are to challenge the notion of a nuclear, two-parent family with biological children as the norm or as natural and reveal what is at stake politically in how we define marriage, we can think about marriage and family as political positions to be challenged. Strong Families is doing very important work towards challenging norms. 

Priscilla Yamin teaches Political Science at the University of Oregon. 

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What’s Wrong with Blaming Teen Parents?

Young Women United.
Diana pictured with her kids Nathaniel and Kianna

Denicia Cadena, Interim Director, Young Women United & Micaela Cadena, Campaign Coordinator, Young Women United

Orignally posted at ACLU's Blog of Rights

According to recent data, New Mexico has the 2nd highest teen pregnancy rate in the country; it follows that New Mexico has high numbers of parents who had their first children as teenagers. As a young mama recently shared, “we aren’t just teens having babies, we are young parents who are raising families”. The negative practice of shaming and blaming young parents exists everywhere and has untold impacts on young families.

A research brief, “The Public Costs of Teen Childbearing” reports that mothers having their first child at age 17 or younger cost the United States $8.63 billion annually. As part of this calculation researchers measured, “the reduced earning capacity of teen mothers and their partners due to lower levels of educational attainment--all of which translate into lost tax revenue.” This data is often used to paint young parents as a drain on our economy, but we need to refocus this discourse and take action to address the overwhelming educational push-out young parents are facing.

Last year, Young Women United (YWU) and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of New Mexico conducted focus groups with young moms to learn about their experiences in accessing education as pregnant and parenting teens. Young parents in New Mexico shared stories about how fellow students, teachers, and administrators made them feel unwelcome. One student from Las Cruces told us, “Teachers were against it and told [me] it would lower [my] grades.” In Albuquerque, students told us about an educator yelling at pregnant moms, promising that their kids would be screwed up because of their mistake. Teen parents from different parts of New Mexico said that many of their teachers refused to allow them to make up assignments they missed due to childbirth. All over the state we learned about district policies and procedures that erect barriers to young parents completing their education. Working with the ACLU of New Mexico taught us about the protections against educational discrimination that Title IX is supposed to bring to pregnant and parenting teens.

Carrying momentum from these focus groups, YWU organized with young parent leaders to collectively author Senate Memorial 25 establishing August 25th as the New Mexico Day in Recognition of Young Parents. From committee hearings to conversations with legislators, these leaders let their message be known: young parents deserve respect, trust, and recognition.  Over 50 young parents and many allies from all over New Mexico came together for “Show Some Love,” a day of action during the legislative session at the Roundhouse which created a space for young parents to speak out and connect with legislators about issues that matter, like educational discrimination in our school systems.  SM 25 passed through the NM legislative body with bipartisan support.

Too much is at stake when we shame and stigmatize young parents. Blaming social ills on young parents pushes them away from the support and resources that all families need to be healthy. Meaningful change in the lives of all young people is rooted in equal access to educational opportunities, living wage jobs, affordable health care, and safe housing. To ensure that young parents and their children are given the opportunity to be strong families we must address discriminatory practices and policies impacting their lives.

This August we are incredibly proud to announce three New Mexico celebrations in recognition of young parents. While these events are affirmations of equality that all families deserve, we have work ahead. Together with the ACLU of New Mexico, YWU is centering the voices of young parents on a powerful task force set to assess and eliminate educational barriers faced by pregnant and parenting students. With young parents committed to creating change, we expect to see important wins for young families as we come out of New Mexico’s upcoming legislative session. Together we can and must build communities where all families can thrive.

Dear Mr. Bell

I watched Totally Biased because Colorlines told me to, and I've decided that I'm in love with you. I can't pinpoint when exactly it happened, but I've fallen...hard. Maybe it was somewhere around the time that you so eloquently explained the difference between sikhs, sheiks, and geeks. It might have been when you gave all those clever suggestions on how to make stop and frisks awkward for the racist cops enforcing this unjust policy. Actually it was definitely when you interviewed Rachel Maddow, and she stroked your ego stating in all sincerity that television needs you. Kamau, you looked like were going to cream yourself in excitement. Excuse the informality, but I just feel that close to you. I understand, I too would like to be BFF4L with Rachel Maddow. Her stamp of approval makes my love for you that much stronger.

I've told all my friends about you, borrowed some of your jokes to appear even wittier than usual. You've become a new benchmark for me now, the way I find friends and non-friends (i.e., people who don't think you're HIGH-larious) alike. I'm shamelessly promoting you to strangers, giving countless acquaintances access to my Hulu account so they can laugh with you too. I don't trust FX to keep televising your brilliance. I know they're going to try to take you away from me. They'll probably replace you with some generic-looking sexist white man who kicks puppies and shoots unicorns in his free time. And he won't even be funny!

It's okay if you don't love me back. Frank Ocean has written some really beautiful songs about unrequited love. I guess in this short time that we have together, I should just thank you. Thank you for making me laugh at things that would normally leave me crying with no faith in humanity.

Laughing hysterically at your YouTube videos,
Tavae Samuelu

P.S. After watching this, I'd like to have your interracial babies. See Dwayne Johnson for the possibilities. I hear you have a wife and kid already. But I've been reading a lot about polyamory, and I really think we could make this work.

We Need An Attitude Change: Policies Must Support, Not Stigmatize Young Mothers

Melissa pictured with her kids Leah and Andrew, YWU

By Jessica Gonzalez-Rojas, Executive Director, National Latina Institute for Reproductive Health

Originally published on Huffington Post

As we soon welcome Women's Equality Day we can celebrate some real progress for young women's health, like recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that shows teen birth rates are at historic lows. For Latinas, the teen birth rate declined by 9 percent from 2009 to 2010. A follow-up report in May 2012 links the fall to increased usage of highly effective methods of birth control, which is now easier to access thanks to the Affordable Care Act. This is news worth celebrating, even as we recognize the work that still needs to be done because Latinas trail their white peers in sexual health outcomes.

Advocating for better access to effective contraception and sex education is a crucial part of the reproductive justice movement. But when we talk about equality for all women, we need to be sure that the interests of young women are also included -- including Latinas who choose to be young mothers. And that means also pushing for policies and support mechanisms that allow women the right to have healthy pregnancies, at the time they decide is right for them.

The current discourse surrounding young motherhood is both stigmatizing and insensitive, and too often focuses on young women of color and Latinas in particular. It presents young motherhood itself as the problem, the cause of some sort of intergenerational socioeconomic disparities. As the National Latina Institute for Reproductive Health's white paper on Latinas and sexual health demonstrate, the real problems are poverty, lack of access to timely and high-quality health care services, and lack of access to comprehensive and culturally competent health and sexuality education. As a society, we need to support young Latinas who choose to be mothers and also acknowledge that the real cause for concern is not the young mother herself -- it's the structural barriers to her success and the disparities she and her children face as a result.

The conversation about young motherhood doesn't reflect the realities of young Latina lives, and it needs to change. Mainstream conversations often cite poorer infant health outcomes for young moms and infants, without mentioning that the majority of births occur when teens are 18 or 19 and health outcomes are the same as those of women in their twenties. And despite the fact that most studies show that Latinas do not have sex more often than white women, Latinas have significantly lower rates of contraceptive use. I don't believe this is because more Latinas simply prefer not to use birth control. It's because Latinas face social and economic inequalities, like lack of health insurance coverage, that make it difficult or impossible to access contraception and use it consistently. Research has shown that cost of contraception is often the biggest barrier to its consistent use, and this reality is heightened for low-income Latinas. Discussions about teen pregnancy, educational attainment and poverty tend to link young motherhood to less education and lower earnings, without taking into account the many barriers that Latinas face in trying to access higher education and higher-paying jobs.

As an organization that advocates for reproductive health and justice, we support many policies that address teen pregnancy -- comprehensive sexuality education, contraception without expensive co-pays, and the expansion of public programs that support reproductive health, like the recent Medicaid expansion and funding for community health centers provided for under the Affordable Care Act. And we support any initiative that expands options for young women, particularly low-income women.

But policies that address young motherhood must target the root causes of health inequities for Latinas and provide young women with options that support, not stigmatize their choices. NLIRH is proud to support the critical work of Young Women United (YWU) in New Mexico that is lifting up the experiences of real women who are young parents in an authentic way to advance policy change. August 25th marks the first-ever New Mexico Day of Recognition of Young Parents, thanks in no small part to the amazing work of YWU. Other states should take lead in honoring, rather than stigmatizing, the young families that seek equal opportunity to thrive in this country. That kind of progress will definitely be worth celebrating.

How are young mothers being treated in schools?

Young Women United

By Mina Itabashi

We at Strong Families support young mothers, because we believe that all women should have the right to decide when and whether to have children, and to parent the children they have with dignity. So when Shanelle told me about Delhi Charter School in rural northeast Louisiana forcing any "suspected student" to take a pregnancy test, and then kicking them out when they tested positive, we both shook our heads in disbelief. It makes it a little better to hear that as soon as ACLU brought attention to this policy (they described it as "a blatant violation of federal law and the U.S. constitution"), there was an uproar across the nation. More then 120,000 people signed an online petition. The Louisiana State Department of Education released a statement telling the school to "immediately revise" its pregnancy test policy. And by the next day, the school's board chairman assured that they will no longer require "suspected" students to take a pregnancy test, and no longer force them to be home-schooled.

But this incident brings up a lot of issues: Why is it that this school policy was not challenged until ACLU took action (apparently this policy has been in place since 2006)? And even if these teen mothers don't get kicked out of school, will they receive the support from their teachers and guidance counselors as they have a right to? How are teen mothers treated in high schools and colleges across the country? How about teen dads? Even if its not as blatant as this policy in Delhi Charter School, we all know that there are many forms of discrimination against youth who want to be parents AND continue receiving education (which really is an unquestionable right). The National Women's Law Center says that they receive a couple of phone calls a month from students who are pregnant or have children, asking for advice on how to deal with the discrimination and pressures that they face at school. As the NLIRH describes it: "the current discourse surrounding young motherhood is both stigmatizing and insensitive, and presents young motherhood as a problem in itself as opposed to the real problems that often surround it, such as poverty and lack of access to timely and high-quality health care services and educational opportunities."

As part of our Mama's Day campaign in May this year, we celebrated and honored young mothers. There were some amazing blog posts, for example by Veronica Bayetti Flores, who wrote about the mothers who are left out of the conversation:

Amidst the celebrations of motherhood we see throughout the month of May, there are many kinds of mothers who are left out of the Hallmark picture. A good number of mothers are not only left out, but actively demonized – even by our supposed allies. Among these reviled mamas, young mothers figure prominently. While most mothers are celebrating May as a month dedicated to them, young moms have the dubious distinction of having May be a month dedicated to ending their experience altogether: May is also Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month. 

Read the full blog post here, and continue to support Strong Families partners who advocate for young parents. Check out Young Women United, which has been instrumental in establishing August 25th as New Mexico's day in Recognition of Young Parents.


Mina is a summer intern at Forward Together, a proud Japanese American raised all over east and southeast Asia. She embraces her identity as a womyn of color and doesn't believe in borders.

It's simple--support, not stigma

By Gabriela Valle, California Latinas for Reproductive Justice

Though I wasn't a young parent myself, like many big sisters in a close family, I wasn't very far from the experience.  My sister was nineteen when she announced to the family that she was pregnant.  My mom was sad for a brief moment.  She worried.  My sister was scared because she was afraid to disappoint anyone.  My dad was happy almost immediately, although with mixed emotions and yes, all of these feelings happened at the same time and under one roof.  But it was my whole families’ response that made all of the difference-- my parents did not throw my sister out of the house because those are not our values and because that’s when she needed the most support.

Over the years, my sister loved her son, made mistakes, held small jobs, had set-backs, but also had great opportunities that brought her into social justice work.  Through it all, she was “lucky,” never needing to mother all by herself.  In addition to our mom, she had three sisters helping her raise this only boy in the family into the great young man he has become.

As a young mom, my sister was supported by her whole family and my nephew, who probably had too many moms, truly became his families’ pride and joy.  Eighteen and a half years later, as my nephew prepares to leave for college dorm-life  (and the first in our family to go straight to a university), his mother also prepares to begin a new chapter… maybe college is on her horizon too?

All young families need supports from family, schools, institutions and even strangers who can impact their future opportunities.  All young families deserve recognition because they matter.

When young parents and their kids succeed we are all better for it, especially having been a part of it. I know this from my own family, and I also know it from my work with California Latinas for Reproductive Justice.  Inspired by our work over the years with our community, we recognized the need to acknowledge young parents and  try to understand some of the gaps in education, access and family supports within and outside of the Latina/o community, CLRJ set out to do original research and make a statement about what we found.  The result is our Justice for Young Families brief, which calls on policy makers, educators and the community at large to change the way we view young families.  Our research and experience shows how important it is to support young parents rather than continuing to reinforce punitive language and policies.

CLRJ has many amazing allies around the country also doing this important work.  We are elated that Young Women United succeeded in their efforts to create a Day in Recognition of Young Parents. We send our love and support to them, and look forward to collaborating on a National Day!

Until then, support the young parents in your life.  Our shared hope is more great examples, like my nephew, heading out into the world with a loving strong family on his side.

Clovis School District: Sex Ed that Gets an "F"

Forward Together Youth

By Phyllida Burlingame, Reproductive Justice Policy Director, ACLU of Northern California

As we have been reminded by Forward Together youth's amazing report, California state law mandates that sexual health education in public schools be comprehensive, medically accurate, science-based, and bias-free. So why are Clovis Unified High Schools teaching teens from a book that makes no mention of condoms, even in chapters about HIV/AIDS and on preventing STDs and unintended pregnancy?

Recent events, such as Representative Akin’s ill-informed statements about reproductive biology and rape – put the issue in a stark light. The brand of sex ed that Clovis high schools are peddling is putting teens’ health at risk – it’s dangerous, unlawful, and could have serious consequences if it is not stopped.

Instead of getting critical information about condoms and contraception, teens in the city’s high schools are told that to prevent STDs and unintended pregnancies, they should just “practice abstinence,” “respect yourself,” “get plenty or rest,” and “go out as a group.”

It gets worse. The curriculum teaches that all people, even adults, should avoid sexual activity until they are married. Additional materials compare a woman who is not a virgin to a dirty shoe and suggest that men are unable to stop themselves once they become sexually aroused.

The ACLU of Northern California is representing parents, physicians and the GSA Network in a lawsuit against the Clovis Unified School District over this outrageous and ill-conceived curriculum.

Students need – and deserve – complete, accurate information to help them make healthy decisions. This is especially important in areas like California’s Central Valley, where Clovis is located. The Central Valley has limited access to reproductive health services and high rates of unintended pregnancy and increasing sexually transmitted infections among youth. At a time when there are cuts to so many services and programs for youth, we must demand that schools be a reliable place for young people to get health information.

Clovis schools need to do better by their students, by teaching comprehensive sex education that promotes healthy relationships, healthy decisions, and healthy futures for youth.

Read more about the case here.

Loving my son

Senate Memorial 25 of the 2012 New Mexico State Legislature declares, August 25th as the state's official, Day in Recognition of Young Parents. This powerful piece was written by a young mama and member of Young Women United who's work in organizing with her peers has been the voice and power behind the passage and creation of this exciting day.   

By Kirbie Platero

Being a young/teen mom does not define your ability to raise a healthy, loving, and conscious child.

I had Josiah when I was 17. On August 11th 2007, 5:13pm, 7lbs 21ounces, 2days overdue. He had the most beautiful eyes, nose, and crazy hair, I've seen him draw on the room walls, spit out vegetables, Step on ants.I've seen him pick animal clouds out of the sky, cry whenever we parted, hide from m  e in stores, I've seen him rack candy lol, draw a transformer, and I've heard him on phone calls asking how my day was and if I've done any new art... Ive heard him say he's sorry, ask what love is, or why things are what they are. I been through trials in my life, to know EXACTLY how a man should be brought up, but more importantly how my son should know the value of love, trust, and security from me... He'll be 5 soon... It's always been a huge deal, but we have all the time in the world to make it right :) I love you Josiah don mcfart (he laughs when I say that) can't wait to see you!

Kirbie Platero is a fierce 22-year-old Dine mother, graffiti/visual artist, social justice activist, and poet. Ms. Platero’s impressive reputation of art and activism is inspired and driven by both her son Josiah -whom she gave birth to at age 17, and her personal survival of sexual violence.  For several years Kirbie has served as the Program Graphic Artist for Young Women United and throughout greater New Mexico, where she continues to influence policy change and promote social justice through her artistic social critiques, exposing systemic inequities towards women of color.

Power of a poem

The following poem is from a young person who connected with us through Strong Families Leadership Team member Young Women United. This piece is particularly important because it recognizes the shapes, choices, consequences and Strong Families that grow from families of all kinds, no matter how they begin.  Young Women United makes a space for young people to express, explore and share their experiences, reclaiming what it means to be family. 



By Anonymous, Young Women United member

I understand your pain now.
Forced to give up your eldest son.
Having to bear with the death of your second son,
Only leaving your two daughters before I came along.
You lost two children; that was not your choice.
But the loss of me, your third child, was within your power.
This pain that you say was so unbearable.
All the "suffering" you say you went through to give me away could've been avoided.
For a really long time I hated you.
For a really long time I couldn't even look at you.
But now that's over and I understand you.
I even come as far as to thank you.
You gave me to her and she made me the person I can say I am proud to be.

She didn't have a choice.
They took the power to say no from her.
At this point the closest thing to a kid was her doll, but she didn't mind.
It was a baby, a baby girl.
This child wasn't hers but she raised and loved her as her own.
Not knowing what she'd grow up to be or what she'd be capable of.
She raised me and I honor her.

New ways to talk about sex

Finding new ways to talk about sex education isn't easy but the youth of Forward Together wowed audiences last week at Oakland Speaks as they unveiled their research project, Let's Get it On: Oakland Youth's New Vision for Sex Ed. 

Through a peer-to-peer education model, the youth organizing program at Forward Together spent the spring collecting data from high school students in the Oakland Unified School District. The goal of the project was to assess student's experiences with sex education and to determine whether they were satisfied with the state of ex ed in their schools.

Through this process the youth delved into an assorted number of issue areas including access to contraception, homophobia and the stigmatization of teen pregnancy. Digging deep, they pushed back against the pervasive stereotypes often associated with young people and sex and challenged themselves and others to think more critically about it. As youth often do, they found creative and tangible ways to express what they learned to their friends and family members at the culmination of their summer program.

Through dance, poetry, song and skits, the talented youth kept the audience roaring with laughter and occasionally shedding a few tears. They talked candidly about the dangers of abstinence only education, the reality of unhealthy relationships and the healing that comes after years of body policing and sizeism.

These young people are a testament of what is possible when we lift the veil of shame around talking openly about comprehensive sex ed . When we provide our youth with all of the age-appropriate information they need to make the best decision for themselves we can expect better, healthier results.

Check out some highlights from the event!

CA Domestic Worker Bill of Rights (AB 889)

By Mina Itabashi

Policemen on horses are daunting, especially when they're talking down to you from on top of a large, neighing animal. But even as these police stomped around us and tried to cut off our march, we continued on around the the California State Capitol. We chanted in unison, "Mujeres, unidas, ¡jamás serán vencidas!" 

Yesterday, allies from all across the state came together in Sacramento to demand the passage of AB 889, the California Domestic Worker Bill of Rights. This bill is absolutely necessary especially because domestic workers are excluded from the National Labor Relations Act, meaning that they aren't able to collectively bargain for their basic rights.

This bill makes the following 5 basic demands (adapted from the National Domestic Workers Alliance):

• Equal overtime pay. Currently, personal attendants are excluded from overtime rights and live-in domestic workers receive less protection under overtime laws. 
• Equal right to worker’s compensation. Domestic workers are carved-out of California’s worker’s compensation laws when they work in private households less than 52 hours or earn less than $100 in the previous 90 days. 
• Equal right to reporting time pay. Personal attendants currently have no right to reporting time pay, when they show up to work and their employer cancels the job.
• Right to 8 hours uninterrupted sleep under adequate conditions. No law currently guarantees domestic workers the right to uninterrupted sleep. Domestic workers often labor around the clock placing themselves and the people they care for at risk of sickness and unintentional mistakes caused by exhaustion.  
• Right to cook one’s own food. Unlike most California workers, domestic workers are often confined to the home of their employer and are forced to eat food that is unhealthy or not to their liking.

Throughout the day, I kept on soaking up all the positive energy that I was surrounded with. The morning caravan organized by the National Domestic Worker's Alliance involved much laughter and a dance party that made the ride from Oakland to Sacramento seem way too short. The driver wanted us to quieten down a bit, but the energy kept on building up as each of us on the bus introduced ourselves and spoke about why we came out for the rally.

The day was awesomely organized by the California Domestic Workers Coalition, a broad alliance including the Graton Day Labor Center, Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles (CHIRLA), Filipino Advocates for Justice, Mujeres Unidas y Activas, Pilipino Workers Center, People Organized to Win Employment Rights (POWER), and the Women’s Collective of La Raza Centro Legal. The rally was actually titled the "Children and Families Day at the Capitol," and really, it was like a block party overflowing with a strong sense of community and solidarity. There was a press conference, flash mob, activities for children, and street theater by organizations such as the Instituto de Educación Popular del Sur de California. And lots and lots of balloons. It was inspiring to see so many domestic workers speak up about their experiences of being underpaid, exploited, or even abused by their employers.

The participation by children was incredible, and emphasized the importance of activism across generations. Above is a video of a daughter of a domestic worker speaking up for the rights of her mother. And for those who're sad about missing out on the flash mob, you can still learn the dance and share the love! Here's the instructional video.

The push for this bill continues! You can sign a petition here to support it, so that California can be the second state (after New York) to pass a Domestic Worker Bill of Rights. It's our chance to set an example for the whole country!

Mina is a summer intern at Forward Together, a proud Japanese American raised all over east and southeast Asia. She embraces her identity as a womyn of color and doesn't believe in borders.

What To Expect When You’re (Young And) Expecting

By Adriann Barboa
I always knew motherhood would be an important part of my life, and when I was 18 and found out I was pregnant, there was a voice inside of me that said, calmly and clearly, Now is the time. 
As my pregnancy progressed, my excitement grew, but I couldn’t share it. People around me saw my growing belly as an anchor that would prevent me from moving forward with my life.

I had heard dire predictions about teen pregnancy at school assemblies, seen billboards, and watched after-school specials that warned me of its perils. Girls who look like me were routinely warned against what would happen to us and to our kids if we became parents too soon. From low birth-weight babies to high drop-out rates, our kids were likely to be on the losing end of every childhood measure.

So while I felt ready to become a parent, my community looked at me with doubt. All through my pregnancy, I felt the presence of stigma like it was another person in the room, sucking up all the air. When people noticed my belly, their response was often to look away or change the subject. Even my mother kept grumbling about how she would have to “raise this baby.” I was prepared to prove her wrong.

When I felt the baby move, I kept my excitement to myself, not feeling comfortable inviting my family and friends to touch my belly and feel him kick. Disconnected from the people I cared about, I kept my head down and focused on finishing my freshman year of college and preparing, mostly alone, to become a mom.

I had a long and difficult labor, and when my son Andres was born, I was overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion. When he was a few hours old, I was alone with him in my hospital room when he began to cry. I changed his diaper, gave him a bottle, rocked him and sang to him. Sore and tired as I was, I pulled myself out of the hospital bed to walk him around and bounce him. I couldn’t soothe him, and as he continued to cry, my heart was racing. Even though I was scared and unsure, I wouldn’t call the nurse. I was determined not to be the young mom who didn’t know what to do.

And I kept up that determination. When the first semester of my sophomore year started a week after Andres was born, I was at my desk, ready to go. I look back on that semester as a blur and still don’t know how I did it … learning how to care for a newborn, keeping up with my studies, and getting food on the table while maintaining the appearance that I had it all under control.

When I look back on those frightening moments in the hospital room and being too afraid of the nurse’s judgment to push the call button, I wonder about how many young moms and dads hesitate to reach out for help and support when they need it?

Now that I am well into my 30s and have seen my friends have babies at every age, I know that all new moms struggle with uncertainty. Most of us have both a powerful love for our new babies and a nagging fear that we won’t know how to be good mothers. The women who thrive in motherhood are usually those with trusted networks of support and the humility to ask for help when needed.

When I see the dismal statistics and negative images our communities are bombarded with, I wonder how many of the negative outcomes are caused not by the age of the parents, but by the stigma heaped on them and the isolation that results? We all know there is nothing inherently wrong with giving birth at 18. Humans have been doing it throughout time; President Barack Obama’s mom did it, every 30-year-old I know has a mother who was “young” by today’s standards.

In a generation, the “proper” age to become a parent has changed. Economic security sure helps in raising kids. Having a partner does too. But 40 percent of babies in the US are born to mothers who are not married, and their ages range across the board.  The current economic crisis and cuts to the social safety net has taught us many things, including that we can’t count on financial security at any age.

For those of us working with young women and men juggling the possibilities and challenges of young parenthood, it has become clear over the years that fear and shame are not stopping our communities from either having sex or becoming parents.  And those of us working with young families know that support can make all the difference--whether it's help finishing school or loving hands to hold a baby, young parents (like all parents) need their village.

A set of creative and daring organizations in New Mexico decided that as a counter to National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, with statistics and images that demonize young parents, we would have an New Mexico Day in Recognition of Support Young Parents. We worked to pass the bill last winter, and now this Saturday, August 25th is the first official day! In addition on online love through YWU's Facebook page, twitter and beyond,  we are having a live event in Albuquerque and inviting young families to enjoy a day of connection, fun, inspiration, and respect. 

This may be just a nice day in the park for young families in Albuquerque, but we also know we are seeding something powerful--the idea that support rather than stigma helps families thrive. And that when young parents are given the tools and resources they need when they need them, in an environment of love and respect, our children have a fair chance of living the lives they dream of, including becoming President.

Adriann Barboa was the Executive Director of Young Women United  for eight years. YWU was instrumental in establishing August 25th as New Mexico's day in Recognition of Young Parents. In this piece Adriann reflects on her own experience as a young mom. As she has worked with young parents over her many years doing youth work in Albuquerque, she continues to be inspired by their power, and saddened by the lack of support, trust and respect they often receive. 

An earlier version of this blog was originally posted on The Frisky.

Unpacking it: young Asian males talk about sex

Young men perform at the Oakland Youth Speak event last week.

By Jack DeJesus

In our society, men are given certain benefits. Like not having their bodies objectified every time they walk out the door. Or not being considered a "slut" or a "ho" for dating multiple people. Or not being expected to cook or clean at home. Or not having to address their own privilege. And for men that fit within society's standards for men, these benefits must feel great. But for Asian men, especially young Asian men, who are seen and caricatured by society as weak, nerdy, and quiet, these benefits don't look the same. Not only do young Asian men have to shuffle through their privilege, but they have to navigate all these messed-up stereotypes that they've been assigned. And when you add the layer of being a young man growing up in Oakland, where institutional violence impacts people of all genders and backgrounds, then it can get downright confusing.

That's why I believe in the space that the Young Men's Program at Forward Together has created. A space where we've broken down systems of oppression, particularly things like male supremacy, patriarchy, and heterosexism, and examined how they've impact our everyday lives. Where we've brought in guest speakers to share their insight on topics such as critical thinking and sexuality. And most importantly, where we have envisioned (and put into practice) being allies to women and the Queer community, through self-examination, language, and advocacy.

One breakthrough was when we had a couple guests come to speak about their experiences as folks who identify as Queer. It was a time where all the theoretical things we were discussing were being manifested in these personal and real stories. And afterwards, one of the participants, who hadn't spoken too much throughout the summer, shared a thoughtful and deep appreciation to the speakers, thanking them for having the courage to share with the group. It was one of the few moments of seeing something "click" with the group, and just that little thing meant a whole lot to me.

That said, transformation doesn't happen overnight. If anything, it's a lifelong struggle. But my hope is that these beautiful young men can walk away from the program with some language and ideas of how they can be better allies. And more importantly, that they can look within themselves and unpack some of the unhealthy messages that we've been taught as men, that will hopefully allow them to be more open and loving.

Spoken Word by Priscilla: "Images"

"Images" by Priscilla

What is the image of beauty?

I close my eyes.

Shattered mirrors reflect everything that the windows to my soul see.

I saw buckets of bleach I wanted to bathe in,

Angular faces I wished I was made with,

I seemed to hate every feature about me that was created.

So I stare in that mirror.

They told me to be beautiful, you had to

Starve.

Tan.

Perm.

Buy endless amounts of product that would turn you into a walking imitation of everything you never wanted to be. Conform to your colonizer’s culture. This is everything that you want to be.

Buy it, and you’ll be beautiful.

But it’s okay, because studies show that all of this is absolute bullshit.

Hoping to pick up the pieces, I cut my hands with the image of vanity.

Cut the same hands that painted layers of socialization all over my face,

The same hands that faced endless abuse from irons and fumes.

The same hands that were the tools to life.

But I saw beauty.

And I gripped the shards harder.

I gripped them until the blood from my hands soaked through every fashion magazine that told me I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough,

That I was never going to be beautiful.  

and I dyed them red.

And with shaking hands I molded the distorted words and made the pages tell me the true story.

The truth is,

Beauty isn’t only what you see.

It sounds simple enough, but it took me nearly an epiphany to figure out that there is no epitome.

Beauty is when you put your soul into a jar and cradle it in your arms.

Beauty is to give, to teach, and to be happy.

To be beautiful, is to fall completely and utterly in love with yourself.

And so for the last time, I looked in my mirror and saw something in myself that I never noticed before.

I was beautiful.

Let's get it on!

By Aubrey Daquiz

When I learned that a group of Asian youth was researching the state of sex education in the Oakland Unified School District, I was shocked. The sex education research I knew rarely had Asian youth represented, let alone leading the project. I was determined to be involved with it.

As I’ve shared previously, my early experiences with sex education left plenty to be desired. I learned about puberty, pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, STDs, and little else. We focused on abstinence and didn’t even see a condom demo, let alone discuss important issues like healthy relationships, communication, and consent. Despite all this, I never thought to question that my school wouldn’t tell me the whole story. This was partly due to my Catholic upbringing in which the abstinence narrative neatly fit, but I also wasn’t taught that my voice could (or should) be used to question authority. As an Asian American young woman, I didn’t realize that I had bought into systems that silenced my voice.

When I realized how much I was missing--not only in my sex education, but also in my understanding of whose voices could speak up--I became motivated to be a part of changing that for others. Supporting the YPAR project led by Forward Together Youth is one unique way I’ve been able to contribute to incredible efforts that support youth to amplify their voices and use them for change they want to see.

In Youth-Led Participatory Action Research (YPAR), young people conduct research to improve their communities. As our Youth Organizing Manager Amanda Wake explains,

Youth are the primary thinkers, writers, facilitators, and researchers throughout the project, [because they are] the experts when it comes to researching issues about their peers. [...] An essential part of the YPAR process is that it leads to action that strengthens community. We are not doing the research and then leaving; we are doing the research so that we can act on it and positively impact our community.

These projects are challenging to implement, but the benefits include youth empowerment, sustainable community change, a redefinition of the researcher vs. the research “subject”, and a shift in the power dynamic from ivory towers to the communities involved.

For the past 12 weeks, I have been privileged to support the Forward Together Youth and Youth Organizing Team in their work as part of the Sex Ed The City: More Than Just Protection Campaign. This reflects that sex education can (and should) happen in a range of “classrooms” from schools and health centers to households and communities. It also supports that sex education should include a wide range of issues like body image, healthy/unhealthy relationships, gender identity, sexuality, harassment, etc. The latter issue is specifically informed by the YPAR project, and as one young person shared, “Surveying brings out the truth, but the truth ain’t pretty.”

Forward Together Youth have recently completed their report called “Let’s Get It On: Oakland Youth’s New Vision For Sex Ed”.  Through data, stories, and graphics, Forward Together Youth creatively present what they found in OUSD, what they envision for the future, and how it all contributes to the broader health and well-being of youth and our communities. They’ll formally release this report on Thursday, 8/16 at their Oakland Speaks event at the Oakland Asian Cultural Center. Come by, check it out, and support our youth!

Aubrey Daquiz served as the Youth Organizing Intern for Forward Together through the UC Berkeley School of Public Health. She is in her last year of the MPH program with a focus on adolescent sexual health and community-led research and intervention.

Deferred action--what does it mean for you?

Photo credit: The Daily Beast

By Mina Itabashi

Starting yesterday, the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) is accepting applications for I-821D: Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA). This is President Obama's band-aid response to a broken immigration system, strategically announced just before the elections. He's promising that he will give two-year work permits that will halt deportations of undocumented youth (between 14-30 years old) who arrived to the US before the age of 16, who have no criminal record, and who are able to pay an application fee of $465. And they have to be in school, have a high school diploma or GED, or have been honorably discharged from the Coast Guard or Armed Forced (yes, US militarization continues...)

The benefit of this policy is that those who are granted "deferred action" are given a two-year Employment Authorization Document (EAD) to work in the US, which also means that they can get a Social Security Card. For most states, these 2 documents are sufficient to get a driver's license and a state ID. Arizona is a huge exception, as Gov. Jan Brewer signed an executive order yesterday barring deferred action recipients from accessing "any taxpayer-funded public benefits and state identification, including a driver’s license." (Seriously, Jan Brewer?) In less hateful states, deferred action recipients may also be able to get access to in-state tuition and Medicare, but this depends on each state. HOWEVER, the big difference between DACA and the DREAM Act is that "deferred action" is NOT a pathway to permanent residence or US citizenship. (For more details, visit Immigration Policy Center's Guide)

On top of that, there are a couple of other flaws in the DACA. Firstly, it is only an executive policy, and not a law. This means that it can technically be reversed at any time. Furthermore, the "deferred action" status is granted on a case-by-case basis, and those who are denied the status cannot appeal the decision. DreamActivist writes that there is "No risk to anyone applying who does not commit fraud or misrepresentation and does not have a significant criminal history," and that "USCIS has stated that individuals who apply and fail to prove that they qualify for deferred action will only be placed into removal proceedings if they fall into certain enforcement priorities." But even if an applicant doesn't fall into these "certain enforcement priorities," once their data (names, addresses etc) are in the system, they are in the system forever. This could pose a potential threat to undocumented family members of DACA applicants, depending on future political dynamics.

This video by Angy from the New York State Youth Leadership Council addresses some of these fears and doubts:

For those considering applying, there are a lot of resources available to learn more about DACA and evaluate your specific case. On the DreamActivist's Deferred Action page, they have links to information in Spanish, Urdu and Bengali as well. For information in Chinese or Korean, click here. You can find the actual DACA application here.

In the end, it all comes down to the fact that what we eventually need is Comprehensive Immigration Reform, so that undocumented immigrants won't have to be given temporary policies that are really just empty promises. And not to forget that the DACA only applies to a small part of the undocumented immigrant community, categorizing people into "deserving" or "undeserving" immigrants. But even with all my reservations about the DACA, it really is a huge step forward, a victory for those who have fought so hard for immigrant rights and continue to do so. President Obama's decision is really the work of those brave and determined members of our communities who have rallied, marched, organized sit-ins and hunger strikes, got arrested, and continued to protest in jail.

The fight continues. In June 2012, seven undocumented organizers from the National Immigrant Youth Alliance intentionally placed themselves into deportation proceedings in order to enter the Broward Detention Center and investigate whether there are detainees there who are low priority cases or eligible for deferred action. They are currently continuing to organize with detainees, who, according to the the June 17th 2011 memorandum issued by the Obama Administration, should no longer be facing deportation. (Sign their petition to demand that all low-priority detainees immediately be released from Broward.)

Also, undocumented mothers, fathers, students, workers and leaders from all over the country have been traveling from Arizona to North Carolina since July 29th, as part of the "No Papers, No Fear: Ride for Justice" campaign's UndocuBus. They are currently in Memphis, TN, demonstrating that the only way for immigrant communities to be free is to come out, come together, and tell their stories. Just yesterday, some of the riders were on a national call with We Belong Together  (National Domestic Workers Alliance and NAPAWF). One of the riders said that "we firmly believe that the only secure community is an organized one," and I believe it too. We've still got a long way to go before we can see an end to the criminalization of immigrants, but as these examples show, there are tangible things that we can do right now to get closer to immigration justice.

Mina is a summer intern at Forward Together, a proud Japanese American raised all over east and southeast Asia. She embraces her identity as a womyn of color and doesn't believe in borders. They're stupid social constructions.